It seems that God has been bringing little moments into my life over the last few months that have all been leading up to this quest. In February I flew to America to visit my fabulous sisters and on the plane I watched the film Where'd You Go, Bernadette (also a book which is on my list!)
If you watch that movie you'll understand a bit of how I feel. It had a profound impact on me and at the time I wasn't even sure why but it made me cry like proper mascara running tears (always a bit awkward on a plane when you're next to a random). It's about a woman who's lost herself and figures out how to get back to who she is.
I feel like that. I'm not sure I even know what I enjoy, what my soul is saying. I have been so busy being a mother and a wife and going through life exhausted and frazzled that I think I've kind of lost a bit of myself and what I even want out of life. Sometimes I hear a phrase or read a book that really resonates with me and it's like there's something speaking to my soul and waking me up very slowly.
During walks around my village since March, I have been reminded that I need to just be myself. Nature doesn't try and be anything else. You don't see roses trying to be trees or thistles trying to be mushrooms. Everything in nature just grows as it was created to grow. It's not constantly trying to be something it's not. I'm now expectantly waiting for God to show me how to use my best creative self to be such an awesome authentic Karen that I redefine Karening.
I got my camera out this week and had a play. Photography is something that does spark joy in me. I haven't taken "real" photos for a while and it felt good to hear the solid click of the button and have a bit of a play in the garden. I entered to win a £100 voucher on a photo book website today (Saal Digital) and they have sent me a voucher code! I can create a photo book and get £100 off the cost (goodness knows how much their photo books cost!) Their books look amazing and I am looking forward to creating mine.
My quote for today is, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” Marianne Williamson.
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