I was looking through old photos today and feeling nostalgic and so tonight's post is about some of what I was remembering.
My world was tiny A three storey semi-detached brick house
A postcard sized front garden With a pink blossomed cherry tree that I loved but we had to cut down because it died I missed that tree, I still do Blackberries in the garden A shed that smelled like earth and moss and damp A greenhouse where I witnessed the miracle of new life A nest inside with baby birds hatching in the bleak spring sunshine We named them Bumble and Fluff A rusty garden swing, one with cushions, like an ugly couch Cuddling up with mummy as we gently swayed A red paddling pool Freezing cold Sunbathing on blankets on the grass Extra blankets for when the sun dipped behind the clouds A child size wheelbarrow full of earth and worms My sister and I harvested from the ground for our worm garden The magic of runner beans and rhubarb A snow igloo, an icy room my dad and brother built the year of the big snow A wooden den that I thought I would love But it was damp and full of spiders and not inviting Sitting there like a sad experiment at the bottom of the garden The big hole my brother dug "to reach Australia" Australia which seemed so far away Like a magical land Our friends moved there I remember when they left I missed them The kitchen window overlooked the back garden and the river It's called a river but it's only a tiny trickle of a thing really Not deep enough to swim in or even float down I loved the river But I hated the window as it seemed there were always storm clouds Big black angry clouds gathering over the building across the water Scary storm clouds I was petrified of thunder storms I'm sure it didn't storm all that often but I still remember the fear in my stomach when I saw the clouds gathering The sick feeling of dread as I watched my mum make bread I couldn't help but look out that window and sense the lightning coming Our cozy front-room that overlooked the postcard garden, the cherry tree, the street outside and my tiny school Shades of orange and brown 70's curtains in all their flowery glory A brick fireplace with a gas fire and a fur rug We used to do charades and pretend to be animals wrapped up in that fur Candles on winter evenings, watching the flame and just being still Bedroom shared with my sister Bunk beds Then not Wall then no wall, I can't remember which came first More orange and brown curtains Being sent to bed when the sun still stood high in the sky during long British summers Seeing the sunlight shining through those curtains Watching the light as my eyes grew heavy My sister telling me stories and singing as I fell asleep Across the narrow road, my tiny school where I started at age four A stone's throw from my front door and next door to the school My church where I sang and prayed and caught a glimpse of God My whole world in one street My world was tiny Suddenly, my world was big and scary and loud and new Full of peanut butter cups, haystacks and wide roads A large school room where most of the work was so easy it didn't feel like school Hot summers where it was uncomfortable to be outside Bare feet singed on the black driveway Watching tiny red insects walk on the black and white wall Another river This one bigger and wider and occasionally flooded No shops to walk to, you had to drive everywhere No cherry tree that was no longer there No runner beans, no blackberries, no wheelbarrow full of worms No orange and brown curtains Just a house yellowed by years of cigarettes with a weird giant duct system in the basement A big bedroom with red carpet I hate the colour red, I don't know why I hate the loudness, the bigness, the scariness I want to go back to my tiny world I cry silently at night for months Did my family feel the same? Catapulted from our tiny world Did they miss the smallness? Or was it just me? America is the land of opportunity And it grew on me And I grew to love my school My friends The convenience of everything big and loud The shopping and the swimming pools, peanut butter cups and haystacks and wide open roads The weather I no longer feared the thunder storms but was petrified of hurricanes and tornados I grew up I lived steeped in history, the White House, the Washington Monument, Antietam Battlefield I travelled,
Niagara Falls, The Grand Canyon, New Mexico's stunning desert colours spoke to my soul I went to university, I studied history, politics and social movements Visited the supreme court and marvelled at the Library of Congress I lived on the prairies in Kansas where you could see lighting dance 100 miles away And where hailstones were the size of tennis balls And the stars went on forever I lived in Tennessee where the air is sticky, thick and hot And drank milkshakes that taste like heaven And drove through Smoky Mountains, an art gallery of leaves And saw black bear cubs slink silently into the woods I lived in Philadelphia with massive malls and Liberty Bells and presidential election campaigns Art galleries and night life and food and friends I was surrounded by opportunities But sometimes in the darkness my heart would ache for the lost tiny world on the other side of the Ocean 31 years pass and one day I find myself Back in the tiny world Working at the tiny school Staring out the glass window to the brick three-storey semi-detached house across the road With a now concrete garden (I still miss the pink cherry tree) Are there still runner beans, and blackberries? And a wheelbarrow full of worms? I watch the people who live there come and go They have no idea the longing I had for their tiny world I am back in my tiny world And sometimes in the darkness my heart aches for the big wide world of opportunity on the other side of the Ocean My quote for today is “I am not the same, having seen the moon shine on the other side of the world.” – Mary Anne Radmacher My photo for today is of tiny me in my tiny world with the crazy orange and brown 70's décor. I do love a good retro vibe.
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