Today I applied for an actual job. I haven't really been looking for jobs and unsubscribed from all the job search engines as it was just getting depressing. I saw a job advertised today that sounded interesting though so I thought I'd apply even though I've been leaning towards starting my own business. It's just a part-time job, 20 hours a week, which is what I want and I can do it from home which is also really handy. I'm sure they'll be a zillion people apply but I thought it was worth a shot. It would at least give me some income while I figure out what to do next and still allow me to set up something for myself or get some qualifications in something new.
I fluctuate wildly between wanting to have my own business and wanting to just have a job where I show up and then leave and not have all the responsibility of managing everything to do with running a business. I think I'm attracted to the creativity and flexibility of my own business, but not the relentlessness of it all. This 30 day self-help book fast is forcing me to think about what I really want without the input of a zillion other people. I'm still not sure I'm getting anywhere and some days I feel like I'm going decidedly backwards, but maybe that's all part of the journey. I'm sure there must be a career out there for me that I will thrive in, but perhaps I'm just going to thrive at the rest of life and my career will just be a thing I do to pay the bills. I imagine most "normal" people feel that way and then it just annoys me that I'm stuck in this funk of wanting my job to be something meaningful. Oh for a simple personality.
It's late and as usual I'm overthinking things. I really need to write earlier in the evening because I think my posts get more confused the more tired I am. Tomorrow is another day and I'm confident that even if I still don't have clarity at least I'll be one day closer to figuring it all out.
My quote for today is, "To avoid situations in which you might make mistakes may be the biggest mistake of all. — Peter McWilliams.
My photo for today is of my cat, Panda. Tonight I'm feeling that life would be much simpler if I was a cat.
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