Today I took some time to pray through why I'm so afraid to make a decision on what to do. I'm not sure I got to the bottom of it completely as I'm sure there are years worth of stuff to work through before I figure all that out but I did come to the conclusion that I felt better when I was working towards something. Even if it's the "wrong" thing. Instead of waiting for some struck-by-lightning moment which may or may not come, I have decided to go ahead with the organising business plan.
As part of my 30 day fast from self-help type stuff, I had categorised all my emails and had them sent directly into folders so I can avoid reading stuff that might be considered self-helpy. Unfortunately this also sent some important emails about the professional organising organisation I joined and I missed an email about their mid-week training sessions coming up. I was hoping they would offer the course mid-week because all the trainings I had seen previously were only on weekends. Miraculously the lady in charge of the programme emailed me as she had remembered I wanted a mid-week course and I was able to register today with one spot spare.
These last three months are the first time in my life I've taken any real amount of time to work through all the thoughts in my head. Although I feel like I've been going backwards the last couple of weeks, perhaps a fast from all the stuff I was listening to and reading has been good for me. I've been able to think about what I really want without other people's opinions clouding everything. I think I'm also realising that it's OK not to have it all figured out before I start. I like a good challenge normally, but feel a bit intimidated by all that goes along with running a successful business. I know it's going to be a massive learning curve but I've decided that as long as I keep learning, especially from my mistakes, it won't be a waste of time or money. Tonight I'm feeling positive, like I'm standing on the edge of a great adventure. I can't promise how I'll feel tomorrow but God has been reminding me that it's ok not to have all the answers, that's what He's for.
Am I still afraid? Yes, but I'm going with this quote for today, “The only way that we can live, is if we grow. The only way that we can grow is if we change. The only way that we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we can become exposed is if we throw ourselves out into the open. Do it. Throw yourself.” ― C. JoyBell C.
My photo for today is Amity standing on the edge of adventure, out in the open. I realise this doesn't entirely go with my post as it's not me standing on the edge of adventure as I prefer being behind the camera. She's a small version of me so it will have to do.
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